30 days to go

at last... i left the office @ 5.20 pm. although it was drizzling, looking at the bright sky, i smelled the fresh air. i took a deep breath, happily walking to the car park in rain. the feeling was just like a prisoner's first step out from the prison. released and relieved.

this is my first time driving in such a heavy rain. the pouring rain totally covered the whole windscreen, i couldn't see anything. so dangerous... thanks god, i arrived home safely.

once i stepped into my home sweet home, the 3 monkeys were activated. eik, today only 2 - 1 falls sick, not that active. but the 2 are enough to make me sick. after all the hi, i miss you, i love you, how are you, kisses and hugs... i settled down and again took a deep breath. this time, i smelled my home. a smell that i have long forgotten...

jarod boy told me that he is unhappy and pressured. he feels that no one cares about him. everyone seems take good care and pay all the attention on amelie girl. i finally understand his disobedience and misbehaviour all this while. all he needed is only attention.

to be frank, i don't see things that he sees. most of the time, i will just leave him alone, thinking that he'll be alright a little while later. he may then look okay and i dare not to think further about it.

i never have expected to hear this from a 9 year old boy. so emotional and deep... i think he means it this time. i'm not sure how long he has been keeping this to himself. he stimulates my emotion too and makes me think that being a parent is really not easy, especially being a mum.

mum will always be the one who comforts, understands, listens, shares and advises. i'm still not sure if i could be a good mum. this is too far, too far from me...

i'm now watching tv, reporting on kelly chen's wedding. heard from every guest saying that the ceremony was so warmth and touched. she was so beautiful in her gowns. it was really her day...

don't be silly-lah... i'm not expecting something like that. too grand, i can't cope...