an emotional night

tomorrow will be my off day again for cassey's marriage registration. i think she won't be able to sleep tonight. too excited... i feel excited too : )

it feels like i have missed too much for the past fortnight. lesser music, lesser storybooks, lesser tv time, lesser food, lesser rest, lesser sleep, lesser communication with the family, everything seems lesser. so, i plan to sleep later tonight to read two more pages of novel, listen to two more songs, watch 2 more hours of tv, eat two more slices of potato chips, load 2 more photos...

times really flies... minute by minute, hour by hour, day by time, week by week, month by month... i try to recall what i've done for the past 9 months... i feel like i've done very much, so much till i could work out my wedding... but in the end, there's only one thing that i've done the most - work in the office.

i hope i could do more to improve my life. i hope i could find a balance in between work and my life. i have once thought of attending language courses, art classes, learn knitting, learn meditation and lots more. but in the end, i'm at nothing.

i hate the feeling of looking back and regretting. i regret for giving up the time that i could spend with my family. i regret for releasing stress on my hubby. i regret for missing outings with my buddies.

i need to find a way to neutralise all these. i'm still figuring... am i too emotional or am i depressed? oh no... choi choi choi... (believing myself is mentally and physically healthy) hahaha...

a long night ahead...